Sleeping in separate beds

Sweet, solitary dreams

Any spouse that travels regularly knows the feeling; having the whole bed to your self. The cool sheets and unlimited space are so welcoming. You feel like you’re resting in 400-count heaven. All the pillows are yours, and you can pile on the blankets or push them aside. It all so delicious. Ten minutes pass, then fifteen. Your eyes open, and you realize you can’t fall asleep. Despite lying in the lap of luxury, there’s one thing missing: A body.  Not just any body, of course, but the warm physical presence of your husband (or wife).

When I advise couples trying to cope with a bad breakup, I often ask if they miss the person or the habit.  When you’re in love and have been together long enough, it’s both.

I spent a weekend in New York with my mother (Dh couldn’t go). We shared a room with two separate, queen sized beds. I fell asleep and woke up just like I do at home, on the left side of the bed never venturing past the center meridian.  Mom, on the other hand, was spread out like a starfish diagonally taking up more space than air. “Didn’t you find it hard to sleep without Pa?” I asked.  “Oh sure” she said. Well, it certainly didn’t show, or maybe she sleeps that way with my dad? I quickly shook my head before I got a visual. Perhaps things change after 50 years of marriage. I don’t know; but I’ll tell you once I get there.

Question of the week for couples: Are you expecting your sleeping habits to change or did they change once you started sharing a bed with your partner?