Yes, I've been neglecting my blog, but for good reason. I've been working on my next book 1001 Questions To Ask Before Having A Baby! After trying to cram research, interviews and writing while posting updates on various sites and conducting couple workshops I decided that something had to give. That something is my blog- temporarily. I'll still be tweeting @1001Questions_ and posting on Facebook on the 1001 Questions To Ask Before You Get Married page, so we can still keep in touch.

I'm excited about this new project and have discovered fascinating studies about parenthood and relationships. I'll be tweeting links to the articles and other golden nuggets, so don't delay in joining me as this project evolves.

Jesus and Elvis remembered

Elvis memorial at Las Vegas Hilton

Flying into McCarren I noticed someone had decorated a large empty filed by moving the dirt and rocks around, and adding some paint to write the name Jesus. It was large enough to be visible thousands of feet up in the air. 

Rolling my bag into the Hilton Hotel, I noticed flowers, notes and candles were placed at the foot of the Elvis statue, which greets visitors to place where he married, performed and lived decades ago.

What compels a person to write the name of someone who lived two thousand years ago?  Someone with whom they never met in person shared text rants or spoken with by phone? What did Elvis have that inspires people, who surely never met, or shared a fried peanut butter and banana sandwich with the man, to commemorate his death annually for the past 32 years?

Yes, there are parallels: Both men came from meager beginnings, grew up to be called “King”, were known for their choice in clothing, and both made spectacular comebacks.  But, it’s their generosity that set them apart, and ultimately lead to their early deaths. One for trying to help others, the other for his inability to say no to the chemical “help” offered by others.

This leads to the week’s question for couples:

How do you think you and your partner will be eulogized? What qualities do you think you or your partner posses that will make you memorable?

Carrie Bradshaw life-swap

Dreaming of a life-swap with Sex and the City’s Carrie Bradshaw? According to Parade Magazine’s Pop Culture survey, the neurotic New Yorker took the top spot with 43% of women clamoring to walk in her Manolo’s for a day. Let’s see now, these women chose to live like the woman who, led on a perfectly decent man (Aiden) pathetically wearing his engagement ring around her neck instead of her finger, managed her finances so poorly that she risked becoming homeless had it not been for the charity of a friend, and became a home-wreaker chasing after a man (Mr. Big) that deemed her good enough to bed, but not wed. Yes, they did get married later, but not until he married someone else, committed adultery, divorced, and humiliated the enviable Ms. Bradshaw by spectacularly jilting her at the alter. What a catch.

Television has a way of glamorizing lives no matter how horrific. Done right and smartly cast (think Johnny Depp) a show could have you sympathizing with Jack the Ripper. Need I mention Showtime's series Dexter?  I’m sure the movie Titanic caused some dreamers to wish they could go back in time and sign up for voyage. 

Orson Wells’ infamous broadcast of War of the Worlds taught us years ago that many people can’t see the line between fact and fantasy. With reality programming becoming the norm, the line has become close to invisible.

I’m sure if the Carrie wanna-bes’ could actually live the columnist’s life for a day they would find it’s not all it’s cracked up to be.  The next 24 hours would probably involve stressing over a deadline, fighting the urge to smoke, worrying whether the spark with Mr. Big has waned, and trying to find time to meet with her friends who are all “too crazy busy” to make time for lunch. Personally, I’d rather spend 24 hours doing yard work.

Which leads to this week’s questions for couples:

• Do you or your partner fantasize about living someone else’s life with out knowing all the details? Are either of you attracted to a lifestyle seen on TV that, once taken off the screen isn’t as attractive?

D'oh!

I had arrived at the airport with plenty of time to catch my flight, but I was fidgeting and grumbling out loud, waiting for the glacially slow security line to move.  I scanned the crowd, eyes squinting, trying to pick the nitwit that showed up with a pocket full of metal, a lost boarding pass or enough family accessories to fill a daycare center and put the brakes on my rush to go sit down by the gate and wait for more than an hour for my flight to begin boarding.

“Supervisor check on number 7!” barked the TSA agent. No doubt, I chose the line with the over enthusiastic new hire studying every curling iron X-ray to see if had the potential of causing more destruction besides split ends.  “Who owns the red bag?” yelled the supervisor, fist on her hip. It was mine. I was scolded like a school-girl for trying to bring a bottle of wine in my carry-on. I was then escorted out of the area in front of all those whom I had glared at only moments ago.

In all honesty, I had completely forgotten about the commemorative Elvis Presley Cabernet (obviously I was in Vegas and feeling appropriately kitschy). It was a gift for the hubby and because I packed it days earlier, wrapped in a tee shirt, it was out of sight and out of mind.
Nonetheless, I was the dunce I had been looking to fire brand with my eyeballs. It’s easy to whine and complain about the shortcomings of others, but when we’re at fault, we have to get creative and think up excuses. 

Which brings me to the question of the week for couples:

Describe a moment when you had to make a difficult apology. If you’ve never had to do so, why do you think you’ve been spared?

Sleeping in separate beds

Sweet, solitary dreams

Any spouse that travels regularly knows the feeling; having the whole bed to your self. The cool sheets and unlimited space are so welcoming. You feel like you’re resting in 400-count heaven. All the pillows are yours, and you can pile on the blankets or push them aside. It all so delicious. Ten minutes pass, then fifteen. Your eyes open, and you realize you can’t fall asleep. Despite lying in the lap of luxury, there’s one thing missing: A body.  Not just any body, of course, but the warm physical presence of your husband (or wife).

When I advise couples trying to cope with a bad breakup, I often ask if they miss the person or the habit.  When you’re in love and have been together long enough, it’s both.

I spent a weekend in New York with my mother (Dh couldn’t go). We shared a room with two separate, queen sized beds. I fell asleep and woke up just like I do at home, on the left side of the bed never venturing past the center meridian.  Mom, on the other hand, was spread out like a starfish diagonally taking up more space than air. “Didn’t you find it hard to sleep without Pa?” I asked.  “Oh sure” she said. Well, it certainly didn’t show, or maybe she sleeps that way with my dad? I quickly shook my head before I got a visual. Perhaps things change after 50 years of marriage. I don’t know; but I’ll tell you once I get there.

Question of the week for couples: Are you expecting your sleeping habits to change or did they change once you started sharing a bed with your partner?

Sorry, you're not all that

On a spur of the moment, I had my waist length hair cut. The stylist gushed saying I was so beautiful, my eyes so green. What was he supposed to say, “You’re a dog; get out of my chair”? Snip, snip ten inches off and more than year’s worth of growth gone in seconds.  When done he exuberantly squealed, “You’re so gorgeous,  like the cool mom everyone would love to have!”. Bomb. Excuse me, mom? Did he just say “mom’ as in mother, matriarch or matron? Could I be a,….a,…MILF? I don’t even have kids!  I was stunned. I have no problem getting older, or at least I don’t think I do, but this was the first time anyone threw my demographic in my face. 

As much as we hate to admit it, there always seems to be a disconnect between who we think we are and how others really perceive us. You may recall the 40-year-old executive I wrote about earlier, who had affairs with women barely over the legal drinking age.  He may have believed it made him look and feel younger, but I’m sure none of his young gazelles would ever consider him a contemporary. No doubt we’ve all met the  “undiscovered star” who believes she deserves a  million dollar recording deal, but will more likely have people pay to not hear her sing.  There are, however, more subtle forms of delusion, like the dad that gets a Mohawk thinking it will make him cool in his kid’s eyes, or using colored contacts and thinking they look natural.

Which leads to the question of the week for couples: Would you tell your partner that people don’t agree with their self-perception? Would you like your partner to tell you “Sorry, but you’re not all that”? If so, how would you take the news?