D'oh!

I had arrived at the airport with plenty of time to catch my flight, but I was fidgeting and grumbling out loud, waiting for the glacially slow security line to move.  I scanned the crowd, eyes squinting, trying to pick the nitwit that showed up with a pocket full of metal, a lost boarding pass or enough family accessories to fill a daycare center and put the brakes on my rush to go sit down by the gate and wait for more than an hour for my flight to begin boarding.

“Supervisor check on number 7!” barked the TSA agent. No doubt, I chose the line with the over enthusiastic new hire studying every curling iron X-ray to see if had the potential of causing more destruction besides split ends.  “Who owns the red bag?” yelled the supervisor, fist on her hip. It was mine. I was scolded like a school-girl for trying to bring a bottle of wine in my carry-on. I was then escorted out of the area in front of all those whom I had glared at only moments ago.

In all honesty, I had completely forgotten about the commemorative Elvis Presley Cabernet (obviously I was in Vegas and feeling appropriately kitschy). It was a gift for the hubby and because I packed it days earlier, wrapped in a tee shirt, it was out of sight and out of mind.
Nonetheless, I was the dunce I had been looking to fire brand with my eyeballs. It’s easy to whine and complain about the shortcomings of others, but when we’re at fault, we have to get creative and think up excuses. 

Which brings me to the question of the week for couples:

Describe a moment when you had to make a difficult apology. If you’ve never had to do so, why do you think you’ve been spared?

Sleeping in separate beds

Sweet, solitary dreams

Any spouse that travels regularly knows the feeling; having the whole bed to your self. The cool sheets and unlimited space are so welcoming. You feel like you’re resting in 400-count heaven. All the pillows are yours, and you can pile on the blankets or push them aside. It all so delicious. Ten minutes pass, then fifteen. Your eyes open, and you realize you can’t fall asleep. Despite lying in the lap of luxury, there’s one thing missing: A body.  Not just any body, of course, but the warm physical presence of your husband (or wife).

When I advise couples trying to cope with a bad breakup, I often ask if they miss the person or the habit.  When you’re in love and have been together long enough, it’s both.

I spent a weekend in New York with my mother (Dh couldn’t go). We shared a room with two separate, queen sized beds. I fell asleep and woke up just like I do at home, on the left side of the bed never venturing past the center meridian.  Mom, on the other hand, was spread out like a starfish diagonally taking up more space than air. “Didn’t you find it hard to sleep without Pa?” I asked.  “Oh sure” she said. Well, it certainly didn’t show, or maybe she sleeps that way with my dad? I quickly shook my head before I got a visual. Perhaps things change after 50 years of marriage. I don’t know; but I’ll tell you once I get there.

Question of the week for couples: Are you expecting your sleeping habits to change or did they change once you started sharing a bed with your partner?

Sorry, you're not all that

On a spur of the moment, I had my waist length hair cut. The stylist gushed saying I was so beautiful, my eyes so green. What was he supposed to say, “You’re a dog; get out of my chair”? Snip, snip ten inches off and more than year’s worth of growth gone in seconds.  When done he exuberantly squealed, “You’re so gorgeous,  like the cool mom everyone would love to have!”. Bomb. Excuse me, mom? Did he just say “mom’ as in mother, matriarch or matron? Could I be a,….a,…MILF? I don’t even have kids!  I was stunned. I have no problem getting older, or at least I don’t think I do, but this was the first time anyone threw my demographic in my face. 

As much as we hate to admit it, there always seems to be a disconnect between who we think we are and how others really perceive us. You may recall the 40-year-old executive I wrote about earlier, who had affairs with women barely over the legal drinking age.  He may have believed it made him look and feel younger, but I’m sure none of his young gazelles would ever consider him a contemporary. No doubt we’ve all met the  “undiscovered star” who believes she deserves a  million dollar recording deal, but will more likely have people pay to not hear her sing.  There are, however, more subtle forms of delusion, like the dad that gets a Mohawk thinking it will make him cool in his kid’s eyes, or using colored contacts and thinking they look natural.

Which leads to the question of the week for couples: Would you tell your partner that people don’t agree with their self-perception? Would you like your partner to tell you “Sorry, but you’re not all that”? If so, how would you take the news?